I would appreciate some feedback on my Executive Salaries essay. I completely panicked when I read this through and compared it to the model answer. It seems to childish and rushed in my eyes. Please could someone give me any honest criticism? (URGENT)

Businesses, essentially, form the foundation of both our economy and contemporary society.
Whilst it may potentially be argued that business executives deserve every penny of the money they earn, the diminishing consequences are already apparent within 21st century society, with reference to the ever-widening gap between social classes, as well as the spectacular NHS crisis of 2020. Throughout this essay I aim to demonstrate, through extensive analysis and contemporary examples, why I agree with the proposal that business executive salaries should be capped.

Firstly, one must realistically consider the importance of business executives. Whilst the NHS suffers a crippling nationwide crisis, and junior doctors stagger beneath the weight of gruelling 28-hour surgeries and pitiful salaries, business executives take home astronomical salaries in comparison. It poses the burning question within the British public eye: What do businesses executives actually do? It is inevitable that some CEOs microamange companies of thousands on a daily basis under the pressure of economic criticism and the fluctuating stock market. However, most high-flying elite business executives aactually specialise in computers, engineering, and Artifical Intelligence, namely Elon Musk, founder of Apple, and Mark Zuckerburg, founder of Facebook. The revival of Artifical Intelligence should be considered as an extremely complex and deeply controversial issue, pehaps one that may be counter-productive. The mental-health and well-being statistics for teenagers have plummeted ever since the invention of the iPhone in the 2000s. This provokes the concern that most business executives are working to promote products and ideas that may prove detrimental to society and thus should be discouraged by capping salaries.

Moreover, this argument may be strengthened with consideration to the public sector. The public sector controls education, health services, the justice system, and prisons, significantly impacting the vast majority of Britain’s population. By inflating the salaries of business executives, the state is simply widening the ever-increasing gap between social classes, promoting extremities and pushing for polarisation. Stark contrasts between social classes proves detrimental for maintaining a well-balanced economy and preventing prejudice and discrimination. If the state continually inflates business executives’ salary to dizzyingly astronomical heights, the quality of education, healthcare, and essentially life, will ultimately diminish. Many business executives don’t need half of the money they earn, which could be used to pay for schools, prisons, and healthcare, all three of which are dangerously on the brink.

By contrast, many of Britain’s most successful and affluent indivuals, including business executives, would argue vehemently that they deserve every single penny they are paid. It is inevitable that most white-collar accupations require extended university degrees and extreme perservence, dedication, and self-discipline. People who are successful have ultimately earned their success. There is no reference to the background or social class of a business executive. Many of the world’s successful people have built their way up from the very depths of poverty and have experienced the utmost horrors and tribulations throughout their lives. For instance, Alexander Hamilton, Business executives deserve their reward and capping their salaries would be an example of discrimination against the upper echelons of society.

This argument may easily be undermined, however, with consideration to background and social class. The world’s top richest families, for instance, earn the vast majority of their income through generational wealth. Nepotism, too, is very often apparent, especially within the corporate workplace. Many people would be sickened to discover that the vast majority of polished and affluent CEOs in America were once drunken frat boys with wealthy fathers to fund their lavish, self-indulgent lifestyles.

In conclusion, I reaffirm the notion that the salaries of business executives should be capped, at a certain degree.
However, although the statement assumes that all business executives earn a significcantly high income, and fails to take account the contextual background of CEOs, I agree that their income should be capped. It is evident that business executives should have their salaries capped, with reference to the NHS crisis, the widening social class gap, as well as the problematic AI phenomenon.

Hi! I used the structure for feedback on the lnat website. here you go :smiley:

Based on the criteria provided, here is my feedback on this essay:Score: 65-69% (Very Good)Application:
The essay demonstrates close attention to the question, focusing on whether business executive salaries should be capped. It sustains a focused treatment of the issue throughout, considering multiple aspects such as economic inequality, public sector comparisons, and arguments both for and against salary caps.Reasoning ability:
The essay shows awareness of multiple lines of argument, presenting both sides of the debate. It draws distinctions between different sectors (e.g. public vs. private) and considers various factors influencing executive pay. There is some evidence of independent critical judgment, particularly in the conclusion where the author reaffirms their position while acknowledging nuances.Communication:
The writing is generally clear and fluent, with a logical structure progressing from introduction through arguments to conclusion. The essay uses appropriate examples and contemporary references to support its points.Strengths:

  • Comprehensive treatment of the topic, considering multiple perspectives
  • Good use of specific examples (NHS crisis, tech executives, historical figures)
  • Clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion
  • Demonstrates critical thinking by acknowledging counterarguments

Areas for improvement:

  • Some paragraphs are quite long and could be broken up for better readability
  • The conclusion could be more concise and impactful
  • A few minor grammatical errors and typos (e.g. “aactually”, “indivuals”)
  • At around 800 words, the essay is longer than the ideal 500-600 word length suggested for LNAT essays

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong reasoning and application to the question, with generally good communication. It falls in the “Very Good” category, showing the qualities expected of a candidate with a strong chance of obtaining a place.

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